Knowing how to conduct yourself when you are a visitor in someone else’s home is just as important as it is to know how to extend hospitality to those around you.
Considering that this week brought the unofficial end of summer, that means that Thanksgiving is just around the corner and perhaps an invitation.Here are some ways to thank your hostess, if you are invited to stay overnight this holiday season:
Before Your Visit
What you can expect: Your hostess should let you know whether they have anything planned and on which days, so pack accordingly.
1. Promptly Accept Your Invitation
If you receive an invitation, do not make your hostess wait to hear whether you will be able to make it to not. Doing so delays your hostess from finding a replacement for you or from moving forward with plans. Therefore, it is proper to accept or decline promptly. Also, let your hostess know exactly when you plan to arrive for the same reason.
2. Bring a Gift
In Luke 10:5, Jesus teaches us how we should enter someone’s house:
“Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘ Peace [that is, a blessing of well-being and prosperity, the favor of God] to this house.’”
– Jesus (Luke 10:5)
In addition to the gift of peace, show your hostess appreciation by bringing a gift. If they have children, bring a small gift for each of them.
Here are some other hostess gift ideas from Emily Post’s Etiquette:
- New bestselling book you know that hostess will be interested in
- Hand towels for the powder room or beach towels for sunning
- Packages of co*cktail napkins, perhaps with the hostess’ monogram
- Desk calendar for the coming year (appropriate in late fall or winter)
- Sturdy canvas tote (preferably without a logo)
- For a keen cook, two or three unusual kitchen utensils, such as a pasta lifter or egg separator
- For a golfer, a dozen golf balls
- Set of nicely packaged herbs and spices, or a selection of peppercorns (black, white, red, green)
- Picture frame, with a picture taken during your visit sent later
- Candles and informal candlesticks
- Houseplant in a permanent, simple-yet-decorative pot
- A bottle of wine is sufficient for an overnight stay
An alternative to bringing a gift is picking one out during your stay or sending one as soon after you get home as possible.
During Your Visit
What to expect: Your hostess should show you your room, or where you will be staying, and the bathroom you will be using and then will leave you to get settled in. Use this time to unpack and freshen up.
3. Adapt to Your Hostess’ Routine
“Stay in that house, eating and drinking what they provide…”
– Jesus (Luke10:7a AMP
When you arrive, your hostess will share her schedule with you, such as whether they will be getting up early or sleeping in on a particular day. Adapt to her routine, whatever that me be. Also, be open to trying new things.
“It is good [to do the right thing and] not eat meat or drink wine, or do anything that offends your brother and weakens him spiritually.”
– Romans14:21AMP
4. Dress Appropriately
Unless you are staying with relatives or a good friend, you should be dressed up a bit more than you would be at home. Think business casual. Come to breakfast dressed.
5. Offer to Help
Even if your hostess has household help, still offer to help out. Go in on the groceries. And be as polite to their help as you are to your hostess. However, do not answer their telephone without permission, and do not answer yours in front of them; make and take calls in private.
6. Host Your Hostess
If you are staying for three nights or more, plan to take your hostess out for dinner and/or to a movie or some other event to show your gratitude. Cover all of the costs, including the cost of travel (parking, Uber) and tips.
7. Entertain Yourself
Plan on giving your hostess some private time and take some for yourself. Go for a walk, read in your room, go out on your own for an hour or two. However, do not accept an invitation from someone else without checking with your hostess first, even if she is also invited. Furthermore, do not visit with another friend during your stay unless you inform your hostess in advance of your visit that you plan to do so.
After Your Visit
What to expect: Your host should see you out. And if that’s not possible, such as in the case that you have a very early morning flight, she should still make arrangements for your departure, such as a pickup. Your host should remain on the porch until you are no longer in sight.
8. Know When to Leave
“When you sit down to dine with a ruler, Consider carefully what is [set] before you; For you will put a knife to your throat If you are a man of great appetite.” – Proverbs23:1-2AMP
This is a fancy way of saying do not take advantage of your host’s generosity. Do not overstay your welcome.
“Let your foot seldom be in your neighbor’s house, Or he will become tired of you and hate you.”
– Proverbs25:17AMP
9. Tidy Up After Yourself
This is especially true if you are sharing a bathroom or bedroom with someone. On your last morning, remove the sheets before making the bed. Fold them up and leave them on the foot of the bed unless you have been given other instructions. Make sure that you have all of your belongings before you leave.
10. Write a Thank-You Note
When you have been hosting by someone, it is appropriate to express your gratitude, as in the scripture below.
“The Lord grant mercy to the family of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and showed me kindness [comforting and reviving me like fresh air] and he was not ashamed of my chains [for Christ’s sake]; but [instead] when he reached Rome, he eagerly searched for me and found me— the Lord grant to him that he may find mercy from the Lord on that [great] day. You know very well how many things he did for me and what a help he was at Ephesus [you know better than I can tell you].” – 2 Timothy 1:16-18 AMP
Unless your visit was with a relative or friend, send a handwritten thank-you note a day or two after you get home, not an email. In the case of the former, a phone call about what a great time you had is appropriate.
Would you rather be the guest or the hostess, and why? Please comment below.
Until next time! 🤗💕🌸
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References:
Emily Post’s Etiquette (17th Edition)
24 Karat Etiquette: Golden Rules from the World’s Most Glamorous Zip Code (Gaché, 2013)
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